When I look at this beautiful little girl, I keep thinking to myself that I could never hurt such a tiny little thing....
Wednesday, 10 August 2011
Is that really me....
When I look at the photos of myself when I was a little girl, I wonder was that really me.... I was a happy and content little toddler .... I keep thinking that little girl can't be me, she looks just like my daughter, can it be....?
When I look at this beautiful little girl, I keep thinking to myself that I could never hurt such a tiny little thing....
When I look at this beautiful little girl, I keep thinking to myself that I could never hurt such a tiny little thing....
I missed out .....
When I look at the pictures of my mom and dad it always brings a tear to my eyes.... they seemed so happy and their lives where full of love and happiness, something thati never got to experience.... I feel so deprived of this family that was once apon a time mine....
Mom & Dad on their wedding day ....
The Happy Family
My dad - SuperMan
My beautiful mom
The two people who made me....
The amazing family unit I never got to Experience...
How I long to see myself smile the way my mom was smiling in these pictures, I long for my husband to look at me and hold me the way my dad does with my mom..... I always wonder if I will ever experience this happiness .....
Monday, 25 July 2011
Sooo life went on.....
For the next 2 and a half years of my life I was the apple of my mothers eye, she never let me out of her site....
Then it all fell apart......
The SAS President Kruger was a frigate of the South African Navy. She sank in 1982 with the loss of 16 lives after colliding with her replenishment ship, the SAS Tafelberg, in the South Atlantic.On 18 February 1982, while under the command of Captain de Lange, the President Kruger sank 78 nautical miles (144 km) south west of Cape Point after colliding with SAS Tafelberg in the early hours of the morning.
On 18th February 1982 at 4am in the morning aparently I woke up and was sobbing my heart out as though my heart had been broken. I was only 5 weeks old and had been sleeping through the night from 3 weeks old, so it was very strange to my mother that I would be sobbing and could not be comforted.....
A few hours later my sudden sobbing was all explained when my mother was informed that my dad was one of the 16 men who went down on the ship.... when he died at 4am my little heart knew that my dad had died and that my life would be changed forever....
The one man who wanted me and who loved me and would have protected me from the world was gone forever..... I never knew him but when I look at how much my husband loves our daughter I know the love and affection that I lost and was deprived of..... he was so young only 25 years old..... my mother was never the same again and the Smith family happiness was gone for ever....
On 18th February 1982 at 4am in the morning aparently I woke up and was sobbing my heart out as though my heart had been broken. I was only 5 weeks old and had been sleeping through the night from 3 weeks old, so it was very strange to my mother that I would be sobbing and could not be comforted.....
A few hours later my sudden sobbing was all explained when my mother was informed that my dad was one of the 16 men who went down on the ship.... when he died at 4am my little heart knew that my dad had died and that my life would be changed forever....
The one man who wanted me and who loved me and would have protected me from the world was gone forever..... I never knew him but when I look at how much my husband loves our daughter I know the love and affection that I lost and was deprived of..... he was so young only 25 years old..... my mother was never the same again and the Smith family happiness was gone for ever....
The Navy memorial in honour of my dad and the 15 other men that died
My poor mother....
My widowed mother of 3 children & me in my Grandpa's arms....
with my dad's family
Where to start.....
I've been wanting to write my life story for a while now, just not sure where to start.... so please just bare with me.....
Maybe I should start where it all began..... Well here goes....
I was born in a small fishing/surfing village in Cape Town called Kommetjie I was born on January 15 1982 on my dad's payday ;-). He so badly wanted a daughter and so he got me, but when my mom went into labour with me on the 14th my dad was in a panic because he was worried that if I was born anytime before the 15th that I would have a shit birthday for the rest of my life. My dad worked for the South African Navy as the captain's personal chef, so government employees only got paid on the 15th of every month.....
Maybe I should start where it all began..... Well here goes....
I was born in a small fishing/surfing village in Cape Town called Kommetjie I was born on January 15 1982 on my dad's payday ;-). He so badly wanted a daughter and so he got me, but when my mom went into labour with me on the 14th my dad was in a panic because he was worried that if I was born anytime before the 15th that I would have a shit birthday for the rest of my life. My dad worked for the South African Navy as the captain's personal chef, so government employees only got paid on the 15th of every month.....
My Mom, me & my dad....
They named me Jaclyn Helen Smith, after the actress Jaclyn Smith.....
The actress Jaclyn Smith
My little life was perfect, my mommy was so happy to finaly have the daughter she always wanted and with the man she loved and adored, my dad was over the moon to have the daughter he so badly wanted.... I was granny and grandpa's first grandaughter and my two big brothers were so happy to have a little baby sister. I was wanted and I was loved and adored by all. There was love all around, my life was supposed to be perfect and normal and my future looked bright..... We were a happy little family, my two older brothers loved and adored my dad, they often said to my mom that they wished he was their real dad, everyone loved my dad.
My big brothers and me
Three weeks later there was more joy in our family my cousin Justin was born (my dad's sister's first child) so I had a little friend to grow up with and Granny & Grandpa were over the moon....
Granny & Grandpa with me & my cousin
The Smith family was a happy place everything was so wonderful it seemed that nothing could destroy our happiness......
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